


Some rise by sin, and some by virtue fall

by tfm



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, Implied Drug Use, Short & Sweet, post episode, vaguely implied child abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:53:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22292887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tfm/pseuds/tfm
Summary: Something that Beau said last night, Yasha can't get out of her head.Or: third watch angst hour strikes again.Post episode ninety-one.
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett & Yasha
Comments: 2
Kudos: 140





	Some rise by sin, and some by virtue fall

The last time Yasha was here, she wasn’t herself.

The last time before that, was much, much longer ago, and she’d been herself, but it was a self that she no longer recognized.

Now...now, she was a different person altogether. Whether that was a person she liked, she wasn’t sure. After everything that had happened with Obann, there were more than a few things that needed to be worked through.

There was a lot to unpack.

Nott was, understandably, a little concerned, but seemed to take no counsel from anyone except Caleb. Surprisingly, Jester was looking a little more upbeat than she had the previous night. Yasha wondered if she had spoken to the Traveler in the meantime, to assuage some of her fears and doubts.

Essek had teleported them to the outskirts of the Lotusden Greenwood. Yasha wasn’t quite sure where Caduceus needed to go (and she got the vague impression that Caduceus wasn’t entirely sure either).

They had set up camp, and Caduceus had made dinner while they sat around the fire, discussing their next steps.

The opportunity for the conversation that Yasha really wanted to have, came during last watch. It was a strange comfort from a time that she had labeled in her head as “before Obann,” even though, realistically, Obann had been around for much longer than any of the Mighty Nein.

‘You grew up not too far from here, yeah?’ Beau was playing around with a the fire, moving sticks as though it would help offset the biting cold that had set in.

‘A little ways north,’ Yasha said. ‘We would come down here sometimes, to hunt. There was not a lot of life in the Moorlands.’

‘No grass, at least,’ Beau commented, with a sly sort of grin. There was a strange feeling in Yasha’s stomach; the thought that Beau remembered something that she had said so many months ago seemed to comfort her somehow.

‘There is a question I wanted to ask you,’ Yasha said, knowing that if she didn’t get it out there now, it would be haunting her (Worrying her) for far longer. ‘It is a bit personal, so you do not have to answer it.’

Beau looked immediately cautious. Suspicious. The same way she always did when people pried too closely. ‘Is this about titties?’

Yasha almost laughed. It wasn’t, but there was part of her that still wanted to follow that subject up at another point in time. ‘No, it ah...it is about something else that you said last night.’

Beau frowned. ‘I said a lot of dumb shit last night,’ she admitted. ‘You’re going to have to be more specific.’

‘You told Essek that you didn’t expect to live past nineteen.’

There was a long pause. Beau’s face was illuminated by the firelight. Yasha could see her swallow. ‘Oh,’ she said, finally. ‘That.’

It was another ten minutes of stony silence before Beau said anything else. Yasha was worried that she had caused some offense, or said something she shouldn’t have. She was not good at this “interacting with people” thing, and especially not good at interacting with Beau.

‘It was just...a shitty time,’ Beau said, eventually. ‘My dad was a dick, and I was a dick back, and I did a lot of shit that I really shouldn’t have done, some of which probably could have ended a lot worse than it did. All of that bad shit is what got me here, though, so...’

In spite of herself, Yasha was curious. ‘When you say “bad shit.”’

‘Oh, you know. Sex, drugs, crime. Insert terrible idea here. Some of them almost definitely almost got me killed. Some of them made my father almost kill me.’ She sounded like she was trying very hard to stay casual, but there was a strain in her words that Yasha did not like.

‘I’m sorry that I brought it up,’ Yasha said, immediately. She hated that she might have made Beau uncomfortable, that she might have stirred up memories that were better left forgotten.

Beau shook her head. ‘Nah, not your fault.’ She cleared her throat, and sniffed slightly. Whether or not she was crying, Yasha could not tell. ‘Nothing compared to all the stuff you had to go through.’

Yasha was fairly certain she was talking about Obann, but there was always the chance she was talking about Before, about her time in the Iothia Moorlands, and everything that had happened. With Beau, sometimes it was difficult to tell what she was thinking. There was always so much going on. ‘That was a long time ago,’ she said, and Beau didn’t contradict her. She was talking about Before, then.

‘Still shitty, though.’

Yasha didn’t disagree. ‘Your pain is not any less just because someone else has been through something...different.’

‘Mmm,’ Beau said. She sounded like she was only half listening. ‘’s been on my mind lately anyway, after becoming an Expositor and everything.’

‘I’m sorry I missed that.’ Yasha had seen the new vestments, of course, but she hadn’t really taken a proper look at them. Too many of the people she had cut down at the Cobalt Soul in Zadash had been wearing similar attire. Blue, overlaid with gold filigree. It suited her.

‘Don’t worry about it,’ Beau shrugged. ‘You didn’t miss much. There wasn’t a ceremony or anything.’

‘Still, it is a big deal, no? To ah...get out of your hometown and become...’ She had been about to say “more than they expected of you,” but decided against it. ‘More than you expected of yourself.’

‘Yeah, I guess so.’

‘For what it’s worth, ah...I am proud of you?’

Beau gave her a strange look. It morphed into a small smile. ‘Thanks, Yash,’ she said. ‘And for what it’s worth, I’m glad I made it past nineteen.’

Yasha put a hand on her shoulder. ‘Me too,’ she said.’


End file.
